DP: Imaginary

Imaginary. Hmmm, how do you suppose we at the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Stuffed Animals might approach a challenge like this? I called a meeting to discuss it, and of course, everyone had ideas.

Reginald, our resident lion, known for his courage and his penchant for tippling, thought the solution was obvious:

“Tell them about movie nights!” he exclaimed, just a little bit too loudly. “They must know about movie nights!”

“Stop yer hollering,” chided Barry Bear. He was a bit stodgy, but fun in the playground; about two years ago he took to wearing his Santa hat year-round. “I think we should share our recipes with them.”

Murray Moose, the Vice President, and a moose of impeccable character and enormous nose piped up next: “Why don’t we tell them about our field trips?”

“Those of us who actually make field trips, you mean,” interjected the secretary, Charlene. “We don’t all get to go on the field trips, you know.”

Reginald said, thoughtfully: “I’ve been. They’re a lot of fun.”

Benny, the thespian, stuck up a paw and coughed gently. “Perhaps we should tell them about the movie we’re making,” he said, causing Barry Bear to roll his eyes.

“You mean the one we’ve been making for the better part of the last six years?” he said, somewhat incredulously. “You’re referring to L’Ur Brun, the filming of which has never progressed past scene one?”

“What are you suggesting? You saying we don’t work hard?”

“Oh, not at all. You spend all day at it to be sure, though there doesn’t seem to be much progress.”

Snick jumped in then. “Boys, boys, don’t fret, don’t argue. I for one know that the movie is very important, and I do believe in it. Perhaps we should tell them how we look after the car and talk to people at the car shows.”

“But it’s only you and Snerk and Sidney who get to go to those,” complained Arthur, the black-eared dog.

“I think,” Snerky squeaked, “that we should explain what spotting is and why it’s so important.”

The group fell quiet for a moment, thinking. 

“The thing you all seem to be missing,” I said, “is that these are the very things that I do talk about in the blog.” I paused. “All the time.” I paused again, and sighed. “Which I take to mean that none of you ever actually read what I write.” I shook my head, disappointed.

There was an awkward silence. Finally, Murray said: “Well, I’ve read it. I love reading it.” He mused for a moment, then, “Perhaps we should set up a computer in the dining room where we can all read it every day as we eat.”

“That’s an excellent idea!” shrieked Charlene, who very much enjoyed her food. “Let’s do what Murray said.”

“Agreed!” cried Reginald.

“Well,” I reasoned, “It sounds ok, but I will have to discuss it with UJ, and we must consider budgetary factors. After all, it’s a capital expense.”

Reginald amended: “Ok,” he said, “let’s form a committee to consider the budgetary aspects of Charlene’s idea and to organize approaching the landlord for infrastructure considerations.”

“Seconded!” cried Snerky.

“All in favour?” I added, looking around.

“AYE!” 

 

 

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Mea Culpa

You know what it’s like to be busy, right? Well, I sure do. Let me take you through the start of a typical day around here…

First, we get up. We have a meeting in the morning – a breakfast meeting, with fruit and krullers (stuffed, of course) and juice. At the meeting we discuss what we’re going to do that day, what the hot topics are, who’s doing well and deserves recognition and who is struggling and needs extra support. We plan our activities and set our budget, then we get on with our work to make sure that we accomplish what we set out to accomplish. 

Well, that’s all well and good, but the other day Murray, my moose friend and Vice President stopped me after the meeting and took me to one side:

“Sidney, old boy, hate to bring this up, but don’t you think publicity has suffered a bit? I know we shut down the website, but it’s been positively ages since you wrote a blog entry.”

I had a sinking, hot-coal-in-the-stomach, swoony kind of feeling then as I realized he was absolutely correct. I looked at him, my eyes full of gratitude and appreciation and all sorts of other deep, deep feelings. 

“You are absolutely right, my dear Murray, I’ve been horribly remiss. I will attend to it immediately.” 

We hugged and I saw a look of satisfaction in the dark, beady little eyes parked way back at the top of his enormous nose.

Well, effective immediately with great regret but eagerness I have moved the Society’s Public Relations portfolio to the top of my priority pile. Snerky volunteered to take it on – he’s such a stalwart – but his grammar’s not that good so I told him I’ll let him help with the pictures. 

So, my apologies. I completely lost track of time. I feel terrible. We’ve been working away at our projects but I just haven’t been publicizing them, except by guest spots in other places. 

Anyway, please read back to refresh your memory on what the SPCSA is all about, and read forward to learn how we continue to get it done.

 

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The kid

The kid has brought something to this arrangement which is hard to make sense of.

On one hand he’s funny sometimes. He does really silly things and he behaves like a kook. Every night after his walk, for example, he gets his feet washed and he runs around the living room and dining room at a gallop like a fully-fledged lunatic. Once, twice, six times around the furniture as if there’s some strange benefit to this self-imposed exercise regimen. Then he stands there, panting (obviously) and looking at us all like we’re edible or something.

“Hey Pal,” I said, “you turn your hungry attention somewhere else.”

“Woof!”

Other times he gets goofy and makes like he wants to play with one of us, except that he forgets that we are not specially paid and compensated stunt critters – we are sensitive and loving and not in the least bit aggressive. That said, I’m not afraid to butt heads. I slap pretty hard when I have to, and sometimes I have to, to keep him in line. He respects me, I think.

He’d better!

Happiness

Happiness is being safe with your friends.

An Open Letter from Snook

Dere all,

Boy, that sher woz a long trip hear to Mishigan, but as soon as I got hear I knew it was the rite thing too do. I felt wellcomed right away and was immediately taken to see the yung man who needs me. We are geting along reely well and are having lots of fun togethr.

Isaac (thats his name) is hapy to have me hear, but is not reely impressd with my hand writing, or my speling witch he says is werse than his. Here I am trying to practice so I can mayk him hapy.

Snook works on his cursive.

Of corse it’s not all werk. Sometimes we lissen to music togethr and sometimes when he goes owt I put the phones in and lissen on my own. He doesn’t mind, although he’s not crazy about how lowd I have to have it just to here it.

Listening to some music

And then ther are times when he lets me reed stuff. This was a reely neat book about a wizard and stuff – I dont remember us having any books like that back at the Sosiety.

Hear I am reeding

Isaac is a very nice yung man and Im looking forward to getting to know him better. Were stil figgering out what we like and stuff, but Im prety sure we’re going to get along very well for a looooong time.

I miss all you guys teribly, but this is wear I’m meant to be for now. I’m a working Snook now, and I reely love it.

Snook

xx

Arrival

Yay! We’ve heard from Snook now that he’s arrived in Michigan. He says he’s fine and happy (although a little jet-lagged) and has already been united with Isaac and he really likes him and he’s going to be happy to work with him to help turn his frowns upside-down.

We’re waiting on a photo of Snook in his new location. For now, here he is last week saying farewell before heading for the airport – that’s him at the back, sitting in between Snerk and Ralph. It was an emotional meeting, but now as he embarks on his mission to help a most-deserving young man, the emotions are all new.

“I’m very excited,” he said, “to see what I can do to help. I’ve trained hard, and that’s just great, but now it’s time to put it all to work.”

Stay tuned.

Volunteer

At a recent Society meeting UJ told us of a fine young man named Isaac, in Michigan, who, he has learned, has never had the benefit of the friendship, the companionship, the love of a critter – at all – in his life, and he asked for a volunteer to go to this young man and be what he needs now.

I am proud to say that Snook – brother to Snerk and Snick and Snuck and Sneek – immediately put up his paw and said that he would be happy to go and put his training to good use with Isaac, and this has already been put in to effect. Society funds were used to arrange portage, and he is on his way as we speak.

We will miss Snook, but we understand he is going to a place where he will be loved very much, and that makes us happy.

This truly is what being a critter is all about.

It’s what we do

I think the old adage is “When the going gets tough the tough get going”?

Well, being tough is what we are all about. We do what we have to do to restore order and calm, and we go where we’re needed to get things put right. When someone of any age needs comfort, a cuddle, good conversation, or just plain ol’ company on a cold winter’s night, that’s where you’ll find us. 

We are made for love, and that’s exactly what we do.

So, what about you?

What were you made to do?

Homework

Today UJ woke me up early.

“Hey, you gotta type your own blog today, I think I’m getting carpal.”

I looked at him, dazed, and confused.

“You’re going to pull a car where?”

“No no – carpal tunnel syndrome,” he held up his right forearm, “here, in my wrist.”

“Does it hurt?” I asked.

“It does seem to, yes. It’s like a numbness in my pinky finger. The other night it actually woke me up.”

“I’m not jealous,” I said. “But then, I’ve got my own troubles.”

“Like what?”

“Like the pooch.”

“What about him?”

“He keeps looking at us like he’s hungry.”

“Well, he usually is. Does this really bother you?”

“A little. I’ve taken care of him before, lots of times, but he’s bigger now, and the last few times we set-to it’s taken a lot longer to subdue him.”

“Can’t you reason with him?”

“Ha! He’s thirteen pounds of stubborn, obstreperous determination, sometimes even you have trouble keeping him in line.”

“Good point, though I will always win.”

“That’s why we’re such good friends.”

“That’s the only reason?”

“Nah! You’re kinda cute, too!”

I mean, I must occasionally say something to make him feel good, mustn’t I?

Halloween

We’re going tomorrow to help with the local Halloween effort – the creation of a haunted house at the old community hall.

We all have different jobs.

Mine, of course, is to supervise. It’s very important to have proper supervision over a task so large, and believe you me, I will crack the whip.

Snerkie and the rest of the smaller critters will don costumes and pretend to be rats and mice, running all over the floor, scaring all the little children half out of their wits.

Murray will lead a band of critters in carrying knives around – like slashers – and jumping out at the children as they pass by. Don’t worry, they are plastic knives – enough to convince a little one for a moment, but no one else.

Charlene the cute chick has put together a bowl of wet, squidgy stuff like hamburger and noodles and spaghetti, for the kids to put their hands in while blindfolded – that always scares the heck out of them.

Graham and Eugene will be in charge of music and eerie sounds – the better to set the mood.

Barry and Benji Bear will work the smoke machine in the cemetery – to welcome the victi – Er – visitors to the Haunted Mansion.

One of the Poops brothers came to me the other day while we were planning all this and said “I wish it could be Halloween all year round – it’s just so much fun!”

Sidney

Preparing the crowd for Halloween.